Saturday, December 29, 2012

Raw #72 - July 18th, 1994

The big question on tonight's Raw is whether Lex Luger has sold out to the Million Dollar Man. Personally, I can't see Luger turning his back on his fans to wrestle for some rich guy named Ted on Monday nights. Luger challenges for Diesel's Intercontinental title in tonight's featured match.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Figure Friday: The long-lost Steiner, Crush

Last week, I looked at the figures of Money, Inc. and showed how they were so cohesive a team that they even shared a lower body. This week, I profile another pair of WWF figures from Hasbro, the Steiner Brothers. The Rick and Scott figures really have nothing in common... except that they both borrow heavily from Brian "Crush" Adams. Allow me to explain.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Raw #71 - July 11th, 1994

Raw comes to us taped from Bushkill, Pennsylvania. On commentary are Jim Ross and Randy Savage. Tonight's featured match is the 123 Kid-Bret Hart match for the WWF title, which the Kid earned by beating Nikolai Volkoff. No, really. The Kid comes to the ring with new lighting spelling out "1-2-3." "If this match lives up to one one-hundredth of its expectations," says Macho, "...we're gonna go on a magic carpet ride!" Jim Ross reminds us that his opponent, Bret Hart, was voted Superstar of the Year in 1993, much like John Cena in 2012, except Hart won the King of the Ring and actually held a title during those 12 months.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Raw #70 - July 4th, 1994

It's a Fourth of July edition of Monday Night Raw! On this day last year, Lex Luger turned face and bodyslammed Yokozuna, and look how far that has gotten him in the past year! Why, he almost made it to the King of the Ring. Raw kicks off with a battle between two King of the Ring entrants who lost in the first round, Tatanka and Jeff Jarrett. Hopefully this match will end better than that other match between two King of the Ring entrants who lost in the first round, Bam Bam vs. Mabel, which Mabel won by countout last week.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Figure Friday: Below the Belt with Money, Inc.

Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster shared a lot of things: a team name, a tag team title, an affinity for money, and, unlike many other tag teams, a lower body. At least as far as Hasbro was concerned. No, we never saw a Siamese twin figure of DiBiase and Rotundo, but we did see a pair of action figures with many similar features, including a recycled lower body with stomping action.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Raw #69 - June 27th, 1994

Jerry Lawler's garbage can attack on Duke "The Dumpster" Droese is the subject of tonight's cold opening. Monsoon calls Lawler's use of a trash can as a weapon, "the unthinkable." The unthinkable would later happen hundreds of times in the Attitude Era to kill time during hardcore matches. The Dumpster says that it's one thing to jump him from behind, but it's another thing to hit him with his own trash can. You tell 'im, Duke! Lawler cuts his own studio promo justifying his attack on Droese, citing The Dumpster's dumping of trash on the King, but he is told by an off-camera voice (which one subscriber pointed out is Shane McMahon) that he is supposed to apologize. Lawler says he would rather be fined or suspended than apologize before eventually offering an insincere "I apologize," which he swears he'll never say again. This is one feud that's destined to be settled at Summerslam! No, just kidding. This is Duke "The Dumpster" Droese we're talking about.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Raw #68 - June 20th, 1994

Tonight, Raw begins with a brief recap, featuring stills and sound bites, of last night's King of the Ring pay-per-view. If you haven't already read my massive recap of the event that inspired this blog in the first place, do so now. I'll wait here. Anyway, Diesel defeated Bret Hart last night by disqualification after interference by Jim Neidhart, but Hart retained the WWF title. Later, Neidhart helped Owen win the King of the Ring tournament.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

King of the Ring 1994: Enter Donovan

Given that my blog is called, "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?", it's a foregone conclusion that I would review 1994's King of the Ring, where the phrase was coined by Art Donovan. To write an original analysis of the event, however, is a daunting task, considering that Wrestlecrap's induction of Art Donovan years ago, along with compilation videos like Botchamania 72, not only have covered Art's antics at the PPV extensively, but were my inspiration for taking the name Art0Donnell in the first place. What could I possibly add to the conversation (assuming that there is indeed a "conversation" about an eighteen-year-old pay-per-view)? Fortunately, if you have ever read a single post of mine on this blog, you'll know that I have been following the Federation during this time period very closely, so you may yet learn something from this recap (besides how much Mabel weighs).

Friday, December 14, 2012

Figure Friday: Three Men and a Body

Sometimes I don't know whether to consider Hasbro's WWF toy-makers supremely unoriginal or brilliantly creative. On the one hand, they regularly re-used existing pieces of wrestling figures, disguising their origins with a fresh coat of paint. On the other hand, the leaps of imagination required to transform a particular action figure, representing one Federation superstar, into another action figure representing an entirely dissimilar wrestler are commendable. Sure, there were some easy cases, like transforming Bushwhacker Luke into Bushwhacker Butch and vice versa, but some of the re-hashes bridge not only generations but basic body types, as well.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Raw #67 - June 13th, 1994

Tonight's episode is the "Countdown to the Crowning," a "very special edition of Monday Night Raw," which makes it a) a commercial for the pay-per-view, and b) technically an episode of Raw, which means that I am obligated to recap it. The great thing about the King of the Ring is that it's the only WWF pay-per-view that lends itself to magnetic chalkboard displays, in this case the tournament bracket.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Raw #66 - June 6th, 1994

Raw emanates from Youngstown, Ohio for the third week in a row as Tatanka and Crush face off in a rematch from last week's inconclusive King of the Ring qualifying match. As per usual, tonight's main event opens the show, which realistically is what an organization would do to make sure its feature attraction doesn't run over time if it only had one hour of television. The lumberjacks are in the process of filing in when the show opens, leading to a confrontation between Razor Ramon and IRS.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Literal wrestling move names

The names of many wrestling moves are colorful but baffling to the uninitiated. Here is what a number of common wrestling moves would look like if their names were taken literally.

The move names are hidden in captions under the photos.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Raw #65 - May 30th, 1994

It's the last Raw of May, and next month's King of the Ring bracket is almost set in stone. We see a video package of all of the qualifiers as the bracket takes shape. IRS, Razor Ramon, Mabel, Bam Bam Bigelow, Jeff Jarrett, Owen Hart, and The 123 Kid have all been entered into the first round, leaving just one slot left to go. That position will be filled by the winner of tonight's main event, which was advertised last week: Tatanka vs. Jimmy Del Ray, who has recently undergone a makeover where he wears face paint, has added muscle mass, and gained several inches in height to look exactly like Crush. In fact, he's even calling himself "Crush" now and taken Mr. Fuji as a manager. This is going to be confusing for many viewers.
The resemblance is uncanny.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Raw #64 - May 23rd, 1994

After his face-stealing victory over Yokozuna last week in sumo competition, Earthquake looks to win a berth in the King of the Ring tournament... or does he? Our announcers wonder where exactly Earthquake has gone, since he is not at the arena tonight. He was Banzai-dropped by Yokozuna at a house show in Anaheim, which is used to explain his absence. What a strange run for Earthquake; he returns to the WWF ring, squashes Adam Bomb at Wrestlemania, goes undefeated, beats the former champion, then is gone from the Federation for the next four years. Owen Hart comes to the ring to face a mystery opponent on this first-ever Raw in Youngstown, Ohio. Vince, however, calls it "Struthers, OH," which is about five miles away from Youngstown. Somebody is wrong here.

Friday, December 7, 2012

New on Wrestlecrap - Johnny Damon hosts Raw

My latest article on Wrestlecrap is the induction of the Johnny Damon Christmas episode of Raw from 2009.

Figure Friday: ¢#®!$ ℬ∑№ℹ+

This week's figure was quite cutting-edge when it came out but is now more than a bit dated. It definitely had its good points, such as its true-to-life appearance, the result of digital scanning of the wrestler's face by Jakks Pacific. It also has many joints and other points of articulation. So yes, this figure is technically sound, but all of that suddenly becomes less important when you realize that it's a Chris Benoit doll.
Yes, this is one of many Chris Benoit action figures, manufactured, obviously, before his grisly death in June of 2007. It could even be one of the same ones Daniel Benoit owned, exonerating his father in a Nancy Grace-concocted leap in logic.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Raw #63 - May 16th, 1994

Welcome everyone to Mon-day-Night-Raw! Tonight is the sumo match between Earthquake and Yokozuna, the only such match the promotion would put on for 11 years. Bam Bam Bigelow takes on Thurman Plugg (his friends call him "Sparky") in a King of the Ring qualifying match.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Raw #62 - May 9th, 1994

What decade is this? Oh right, the 90s.
Tonight's cold opening features a replay of Earthquake's challenge to Yokozuna from last week's episode.  The former champion is the guest on The King's Court. Also, Razor Ramon takes on his future long-time friend, Savio Vega, who is currently masquerading as a martial arts expert from "The Orient," in the "first" 1994 King of the Ring qualifying match to be aired. If you've memorized Art Donovan's commentary like I have, you'll know who wins this qualifier.

Monday, December 3, 2012

If ECW had won... (Part 1)

Pay-Per-Views would be slightly different.

This week's installment of Multiverse Monday takes a glimpse into what the wrestling world would look like had ECW outlasted the WWF and WCW.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Raw #61 - May 2nd, 1994

Tonight, Monday Night Raw debuts in Vermont, the fifth state to host the prime-time wrestling program. Tonight's episode features the long-awaited tag team title match between the Quebecers and the Headshrinkers.